The Scenario: Overconfident

I was hired to deliver a new back office  software suite. Prior to my arrival, the project had struggled to get off the ground, so expectations were high. They placed a lot of hope in me and perceived me as the “hero” outside hire. What was worse, I knew and believed the hype (insert foreshadow music here).

After meeting with our customers, I compiled a business requirements document (to tell programmers what the software must do). Proud of myself and what I was delivering, I packaged the document neatly and handed it to our technical architect.

I felt like Moses delivering the 10 Commandments. These were gold. This was going to solve all the IT / Business conflict they’d experienced. I was overconfident.

What Happened: The Smack Down

We worked in an extremely open environment. Forget cubicles, we had desks in a giant, open room that resembled a warehouse. Therefore, as I stood before the architect, the team and many of our customers could see the entire interaction.

The architect (who was several years my senior), removed the binder, then briefly and silently skimmed the pages. I was about to head back to my desk, when suddenly the architect screamed, “These are not @$%#&*& requirements!” In a blast of flurry, the now loose-leaf stack of papers was flung in my face and fluttered into a pile at my feet.

I stood stunned, for what seemed an eternity, before getting down on all fours and collecting the mess of paper. As I gathered the sheets, I vaguely recalled the architect shouting directions about what a business requirements document should contain.

I spent the next several days nailing down every possible nuance the architect could desire. Then I studied hundreds of great examples of business requirement documents. A couple weeks later, I meekly approached the architect again, with a new version of the document.

Again, he skimmed it, this time with a growing grin. “Perfect” was all he said. I’d never been more happy to hear a one-word response.

What I Learned: Humility

Sometimes difficult situations and challenging people are needed for a lesson to really sink in. In this case, my greatest lesson was humility. I should have approached the architect for his expectations long before I submitted the document.

This was a new organization, new people and new technologies. Everything about the situation screamed I needed humility. Yet I rode the wave of hype about me. As a result, I failed to present the best solution.

Three Lessons

It may have been the hard way, but I received great lessons from this architect’s critical feedback, including:

1. Humility, especially in new settings, is important: Humility is a cornerstone of servant leadership. As the saying goes, “don’t believe the hype” – especially about yourself. The minute you start thinking you’re great, you’re setup for a fall.

2. Gather expectations from all stakeholders: I was so focused on capturing the business requirements, I failed to capture the requirements for documentation from the architect. Respect those who’ve been there longer – chances are they can teach you a thing or two.

3. Send a draft: Yes, that could have saved me from public disgrace. But in all seriousness, time and audience permitting, send a draft first. I say, “this is a first draft (or even outline), is it looking like what you expect?”

I hope you’re able to learn these lessons from my experience, before you make the same mistakes.

Question: What other lessons do you see from my failure?

Note: This post is the first of three on some of my greatest failures and the lessons learned. My hope, in exposing my scars, is somehow helping you avoid the same mistakes.

Yesterday, our youngest son (2 month old Gabriel) had a “blow out”. You parents know what I mean and the rest can probably figure it out from the title. It was a mess. By the way, if you’re eating while you read this, you may want to come back later….

Getting Your Hands Dirty

The Martin Luther King Family

While scrubbing the dirty onesie, I found myself contemplating a key business decision. Looking down at my hands, covered in soap suds and… well… baby poop, I had to chuckle. I wondered how many times famous father-leaders like Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill and others had to clean soiled baby clothes? This experience, it occurred to me, was a very humbling activity.

Humility and Priorities

Following someone who has cleaned messy diapers tells you something about that leader. It goes beyond the old saying, “they put their pants on the same way we do – one leg at a time”.  This shows their humility and priorities. It shows that the multi-million dollar deal they’re negotiating or the global team they lead is important, but at the end of the day, they’re not afraid to get their hands dirty – really dirty – for what is important.

To the world you might be just one person, but to one person you might be the world. (unknown)

Identifying the Poop Cleaners

Convinced that leaders who clean the poop from their kids’ diapers may be the kind of leader you want to follow? Here’s how you can identify some of them:

1. Family Calls: Leaders who prioritize family are not afraid to take calls from them during the day. If the individual steps out of meetings to take a family call, chances are, they’ve cleaned the poop.

2. Firm Departure Times: A friend and colleague of mine leaves every day at 5 PM, firm. Now, certainly, in the time of a crisis, you must be able to count on the leader, but as a general policy, poop cleaners often have scheduled departure times.

3. Family Appointments: The poop-cleaner often needs to schedule meetings around doctor and dentist appointments, school meetings and student activities. This is especially true if the individual comes from a household where both parents work outside of the home.

So the next time you see these activities from someone at the office, do not be concerned. Chances are that person is a poop cleaner. And, after all, cleaning baby poop helps make great leaders.

Question: What about you? Do you clean baby poop or follow someone who does?

People who seek prestige through leadership roles or titles cause trouble and hardship for stakeholders. These individuals, expecting recognition, fame or fortune, fall flat when they awaken to the true demands of a leader.

“With great power, comes great responsibility.” -Ben Parker (paraphrasing others)

Therefore, please, I beg of you, if you’re out to “lead” for the supposed prestige, don’t do it. Chances are there is someone more appropriate who will actually serve the stakeholders.

The Problem With Prestige Seekers

“Wait,” you say, “I’m not only in it for the prestige, I am really willing to work hard!”

Save it. I’ve heard it all before, as have most people reading this post. News flash for you: we see through you, probably better than you see through yourself.You see, we have no doubt that you’ve fooled yourself into believing you’re out for the good of others. However, if the prestige you believe you will receive from a title or role attracts you, even slightly, you’re deluding yourself.

Self Sacrifice

If you want prestige, you don’t really know what it means to be a true leader. Being a leader means self-sacrifice. Some leadership roles demand more sacrifice than others, but all require some, if they are to be done well. Whether it is the time you commit to the cause, travel away from loved ones, sleepless nights or other forms of sacrifice, the point is, all good leaders give up something.

Listening

Prestige seekers like to talk. Whether it is to the press, an audience or a group of employees. The prestige seeker desires the attention of others. In contrast, good leadership means listening to others. Spending a great deal of time hearing what others have to say and understanding the complexity of their challenges.

Humility

If you want any form or prestige, you likely assume a sense of entitlement. Whether it’s the prime parking spot at the office, a ridiculous compensation package that dwarfs the average employee’s or better airline seats. The prestigious wannabe believes they’ve earned it. In reality, great leadership means aligning with the needs and experiences of the average stakeholder. This includes experiencing that which a typical employee, customer or partner must go through on a daily basis. Hiding in ivory towers is not leadership.

Service, Not Prestige

Robert Greenleaf was fond of pointing out that servant leaders are individuals who seek to serve, first and then, upon considering the best ways to serve, choose leadership (paraphrased). This is leadership: service to – not from – stakeholders. Prestige has nothing to do with leadership and leadership has nothing to do with prestige.

So please, if you seek prestige, don’t try and lead. Odds are you will falter and fail when you discover that leadership is not as prestigious as you expected.

Question: What does leadership mean to you?

“To be humble to superiors is duty, to equals courtesy, to inferiors nobleness.”
- Benjamin Franklin

Rock Concert or Business Conference?

The scene resembled a large rock concert. There was a massive stage, huge projection screens, a booming sound system, laser lights and special effects that would make Broadway jealous. To say there was a great deal of excitement and anticipation for the presenter would be a major understatement. His name was announced, the music boomed and onto stage strode the classic image of a powerful, confident executive. Navy suit with pin stripes, tall, slender, salt-and-peppered hair, power tie and polished shoes. The audience’s applause roared. He walked to the podium, the music faded, applause stopped and the stadium settled to perfect silence in anticipation…

Narcissism Defined

“How’s everybody doing today?!” The keynote speaker began, with excitement in his voice. “Wow, what a year it’s been!  Since last year’s conference, a lot has changed. For example, I reorganized our division and product lines into….” he continued into details of how he, apparently personally, completed some organizational and product line restructuring. Then he continued, “in addition I introduced 12 new products, including some of the hottest new items on the market, such as…” he described a number of top selling products. “And what about services? Well, I introduced the following new service lines…”. Then, he launched into series a corporate acquisitions, “I purchased….”, “I merged…”, I… I… I…

BUZZ KILL.

Within the first 5 minutes of his presentation, all the excitement turned into disbelief at the narcissism displayed by this executive. Really?! Did they really just send that massive of an ego-maniac onto the stage?! This guy specifically said he did all these things – not once did I hear him mention the contributions of another individual or his team.

If you were a member of his organization, how would you have felt? I am sure his team put in a lot of hard work and many late nights. Without these contributions, many of “his” successes would never have come to fruition. If I worked for him, I think my resume would have hit the job boards the next day.

MORALE KILL.

His Narcissism, Our Lesson

Confronted with his narcissism, the executive would likely brush it off as an oversight on his part. He would likely reassure anyone inquiring, “of course I meant the team did all this” and follow up with a commitment to be more clear in the future. But how many stadium-sized opportunities does one get? These platforms are rare. The damage was done.

I hope your narcissism does not compare. Still, if we’re not careful, our own oversight can turn into narcissism. At the very least, oversight can easily kill the morale of our own teams. So how can leaders avoid narcissism and keep their team’s morale alive? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Thank someone every day: If not one, then two, three or twenty. Always be sure you reflect your gratitude.

2. Thank publicly: Most people appreciate public recognition. Given the opportunity, share your platform.

3. Document Credit: When creating communications, especially those for distribution, credit those that contributed.

4. Accountable, not Responsible: Toxic leaders tend to confuse accountability for responsibility. Remember, just because you’re accountable does not mean you are responsible for the success.

5. Serve First: Remember your role as a leader is to serve the team first, not for the team to serve you.

Question: What other ways do you or your leaders avoid narcissism and maintain humility?