“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” -William Arthur Ward

I am recruiting folks with gratitude in need of sharing and hope you will join us. You see, I recently realized I had not thanked our project team for too long. As a result, I cleared my calendar for a while and wrote several, sincere notes of gratitude. The response, as you might expect, was great. Some needed the reassurance their efforts were valued and others simply appreciated that I had taken the few minutes to say, “thanks”. To avoid letting too much time pass again and to help others avoid the same, I’ve decided to start a new campaign: “Thank-You Thursdays”. Each week, I will block time on my calendar to simply say, “thank you”. My hope is that others will join me in this campaign.

Why Thursdays?

There are seven days a week to thank others and we should use them all. So why specifically highlight Thursdays?

1. It’s Catchy: “ Thank-You Thursdays” is catchy, so we’re more likely to remember it.

2. Time to Reflect: We will have most of the business week from which to identify contributions.

3. Before the Weekend: The messages are likely to be read before the weekend, supporting timely feedback.

4. Minimize Disruptions: Thursdays avoid any 3 and most 4 day weekends.

5. Morale Boost: Sometimes, we just need that boost to get us through Friday.

Who to Thank?

I realize we should thank anyone that has a positive impact on us, our organizations, our families or other stake holders. Yet sometimes we only think of the most obvious and direct contacts. Here are some reminders I developed to build a list of thank you recipients:

1. Direct Reports: Your team should be thanked frequently.

2. Peers: Team members in the organization. Independent? Consider your professional network.

3. Bosses: Present or past, as well as any mentors you may have.

4. Customers: Anyone who ultimately “buys” (literally or figuratively) your product or service.

5. Family: When was the last time you thanked your spouse, parents, children or siblings for all they do?

6. Companies: Is there a product or service you particularly like? Did you ever send them a thank-you note?

7. Non-Profits: Many NPO employees and volunteers work harder, for less. They deserve our gratitude.

8. Representatives: Have you thanked your politician today? What about local government workers?

9. Professionals: Accountants, Doctors, Teachers, even Lawyers and other certified professionals all deserve thanks.

10. Service Men & Woman: Have you thanked someone in the military recently? What about police officers or firefighters?

How to Say Thank You

Most of us have a variety of ways in which we can say, “thanks”. The best choice is probably to mix it up, especially so the same person does not receive the same method too frequently. Here’s a short list of free and relatively inexpensive options to consider:

1. In Person: Many people believe the face-to-face, direct thank-you is best.

2. Email: The most common method and likely the one I will use most. Consider copying their boss.

3. Chat: Instant messaging is good, real-time feedback, without having to be face-to-face.

4. Meetings: If you’re in a meeting with people you want to thank, add a slide or speak to your gratitude.

6. Certificates: Printable certificates are available online and enable recipients to retain and display your gratitude.

7. eCards: Electronic cards are simple, yet creative ways to share your thanks.

8. Cards: Traditional, hand written notes are increasingly rare and appreciated. Try keeping a box in your desk.

9. Flowers: Having a bouquet of flowers delivered is a great way to communicate and display your gratitude.

10. Meal: Why not take them to lunch or treat the team to a pizza? Can’t meet in person? Send a gift certificate.

Frequency

The best feedback is frequent, so we should say, “thank you” as often as possible. However, here’s a couple guidelines to help frame the frequency:

1. Frequent but Meaningful: Yes, you should say, “thank you” often, but not so often that it becomes meaningless. Make sure the gratitude is sincere and not concocted.

2. Degree of Interaction: If it is a member of your team, you should thank them more often because, chances are, they are doing more for you and the organization on a regular basis.

3. Avoid Routine: Not to contradict the weekly Thursday intent, the idea here is not to necessarily thank the same person, every week, at the same time. For individuals you thank regularly, don’t always wait until Thursday to share it – mix it up.

I’ve never been perfect about showing gratitude, nor do I think “Thank-You Thursdays” will make me perfect at this practice. However, I do think it will help me and I hope it will help you. Won’t you join the campaign for Thank-You Thursdays? Thank someone now.

Questions: How do you say “thank you”? What’s the best way someone thanked you?

One misconception about Servant Leaders is that they are just “too nice”. Many executives hear the term “Servant Leader” and think, “that person will never make it in our environment” or, “they’ll just go easy on the staff and we’ll never get anything done”. Then there is my favorite: “Servant Leaders just want to be liked by everyone”. In reality, Servant Leaders can seem quite mean, depending upon the circumstances. Below are four examples of servant leaders that even Donald Trump could be proud of….

1. Accountability
   Servant Leaders accept the blame for failures within the team. However, in serving their organization and their stakeholders, they must ensure accountability. As a result, leaders must follow up on failures, identify the root cause, fix whatever process and circumstances are required, but also hold people accountable. This is never an easy conversation and the person accountable for the failure undoubtedly does not like receiving the message. Yet, this dialogue is necessary if the leader is to meet the needs of all stakeholders. What separates the servant leader from others is their assurance to reprimand in private and set clear expectations with guidelines to avoid a recurrence of that failure. In contrast, power-based leaders may use public humiliation tactics to “make an example” of the individual accountable for the failure.
2. Military
   One of the top Servant Leader consultants and thought leaders, James D. Hunter, has many clients in the military (mostly the U.S. Army and Air Force). When you think about a drill sergeant barking orders at new cadets in a military film, you don’t think of “nice guys”. However, in preparing these troops for the high demands and significant risks of their future, the sergeant is serving these men and women in some of the most extreme ways. In order to prepare troops to respond in a crisis (see below), they must learn quickly to obey orders, follow a chain of command and countless other concerns in a very short time. What sets the servant leader apart from others is their focus on serving those troops and their community (or country), while other leaders may leverage abusive tactics for their own career advancement.
3. Crisis
   In times of crisis, the servant leader makes decisive actions that may not always reflect full consensus.Regardless , when quick action is required, especially when that action means risk to the leader, the servant leader steps up to the challenge. Often, in cases of crisis, leaders are slow to step forward – be it for fear of retribution, losing political clout, fear of making the wrong snap judgments or simply the insecurity most feel in such uncertainty. In these times, leaders need to serve by accepting the risks of quick decision making to protect and serve the community. In responding quickly and effectively under crisis, the servant leader may make rushed decisions that are perceived as cruel, unreasonable or simply against the norm. However, to do less in a time of crisis may be detrimental to those they serve. While serving leaders make bold decisions to serve immediate needs of their stakeholders, others may manipulate the circumstances to achieve personal fame and glory for their own benefit.
4. Managing Out
   In serving their stakeholders, servant leaders often find individuals whose interests and / or skills would be better utilized elsewhere. This may mean on another team or with another company altogether. A servant leader understands the needs of the organization, serves its stakeholders by finding the best people for the job and helps the organization’s people find the best job. This may mean people need to be led out of their role, to new opportunities. What sets the servant leader apart from others is their commitment to helping anyone displaced by the shifting needs of an organization. A servant leader goes above and beyond to help their team find the best fit for their skills, experience and passion, regardless of where that fit may be.

When circumstances call for it, servant leaders can seem mean too. However, therein lies the difference between servant leaders and others – there needs to be the right circumstances. Servant leaders don’t condemn someone for immaterial savings, they will not belittle vendors to achieve higher service levels and they will not reprimand publicly, just to set an example. A servant leader will not be soft because they want everyone to like them, for if they were, they would not be serving their organization. In serving others, great leaders may seem mean, but they never have to be cruel or respond in a manner that reflects anything other than our commitment to serving stakeholders and our community.

Questions:

1. Have you known a leader you thought was “mean” but later realized they were serving the organization?
2. What other ways have you seen great leaders act in a “mean” way?

First time managers often realize they underestimated how many additional responsibilities management entails and the efforts supervisors perform behind the scenes. So, before you suggest your boss does not work as hard as you, does not appreciate your contributions, or simply doesn’t “get it”, consider this short parable about one such – admittedly imperfect – manager. It begins with a long, restful evening…

Sleeping In
Michelle awoke to the obnoxious sound of her alarm clock ringing at 2:45 AM. It was 3:45 PM for her Asian colleagues she had visited earlier that month. While there, she learned how frustrating it was for her team members to always conform to U.S. time zones. Michelle believed in supporting her team and began accommodating them by awaking incredibly early for these weekly calls. Ugh, she groaned, rolling out bed, trying not to wake her husband anymore than the alarm clock.

Before she got into the agenda with the team, Michelle was interrupted by Yoko, the team lead in Japan. Yoko explained that one of her team members quit yesterday and another threatened to leave, based on a disagreement with management in a parallel department. Michelle was surprised – these were two rising stars in Asia. Losing one was bad, but losing both could have disastrous results. The meeting agenda was out the window, as Michelle began a deep dive, asking what it would take to make the situation right and if anyone had suggestions. She left the meeting with a list of ideas to review with Human Resources. However, she knew time was of the essence and needed to resolve this before the start of the business day tomorrow in Japan – seven o’clock PM her time.

Unpleasant Surprises
When the conference call ended, Michelle sent a long, thorough email to her HR representative. She would be in meetings most of the morning and had another important dialogue with the VP of Marketing at noon. As a result, she’d only have brief periods to respond to questions. By the time the email was out, she had just enough time to get ready for work and be in the office by 7:30 AM. Her boss called an urgent meeting where she anticipated a discussion on the current financial crisis. Michelle feared the worst expectations would be delivered.

Michelle entered the conference room as the meeting started. The vice president of her division began by getting straight to the point. He laid out the bad news Michelle feared most. The difficult year resulted in drastic requirements for the fourth quarter and the company had to make some serious cuts. Each department would have to reduce head count by at least one employee in the United States. Michelle immediately recalled the advice of one of her mentors who said, “remember, you’re not firing a person, you are firing a family.” Her heart sank as she tried to determine which employee’s family she would let go from her already understaffed team. Before leaving the meeting, she reconfirmed, “Yes, I’m sorry, it must be a U.S.-based employee. Remember team, this is for the greater good”, her boss assured the team as they filed out.

On the way back to her desk, Michelle saw Jonathan coming in late… again. “Great”, she thought to herself, “now Mark, has more ammunition to press for firing Jon”. Mark, one of Michelle’s peers, seemed to have a personal vendetta for Jon. But Michelle knew better. She knew Jonathon was a great performer, in spite of his spotty tardiness and occasional missed deadlines. With the morning’s pressure, Michelle uncharacteristically let a roll of her eyes slip out as she passed Jon in the hall.

Long Breaks
With 15 minutes before her next meeting, Michelle sat in her office to figure out who she was going to layoff. She also emailed the HR department again about the Asia surprise. Unfortunately, it seemed HR could not meet any of the options her team in the region suggested. “Stumped again,” she thought. Feeling it was necessary to speak directly with her HR department head, she walked into his office and presented the facts. “I’ve already lost an excellent team member in Japan last night and I’m about to lose another. At the same time I am being asked to reduce head count in the U.S. – can’t we leverage this situation to minimize the impact to the team?”

Her HR representative leaned back in his chair in deep thought. Michelle took a seat. “Hmmm…” the HR guru pondered. There was a long silence, before he spoke, “The cuts in headcount are ultimately about saving expenses. For a variety of reasons, there must be position elimination associated to your cuts and the budget reduction must be from your U.S. budget.” He paused, as if hesitating on whether to provide the following option. “However, I suppose you could reduce your U.S. budget accordingly and match that with a headcount reduction in another region.” Michelle saw a light at the end of the tunnel, but knew this, in effect, meant doubleing the expense reduction, something she was not certain she could do, but she’d try. Michelle thanked him and began heading out the door when she heard him say, “just remember, we need your decisions before the start of business tomorrow morning.”

As she went in and out of meetings the remainder of the morning, Michelle spent the better part of her time working out a solution. She emailed the draft to HR and her boss just before her noon meeting. She knew it was not bullet proof, but if she could get their alignment, the finer details could be resolved this evening.

Always Blaming Others
Michelle headed down to Jonathon’s office to pick up a report he promised. On the way, she bumped into Mark. “So, you know who you have to let go, don’t you Michelle?” Mark asked without reservation. Mark had been with the company longer and technically had a more senior title. As a result, though he had not earned Michelle’s respect, he felt he had positional authority over her and often made demands of her as though he was her boss.

“Mark, I appreciate your position, but I need to make this decision on my own and I will make it based on the requirements of my team and what we need to be successful” Michelle responded, trying to make as little eye contact as possible. “I’m sorry, but I have to run as I am late for a meeting.”

She needed to only pop her head into the office to see Jonathon furiously typing away in a chat sessions. “Michelle, I’m really sorry, but I don’t have that report for you” Jon’s bad news was just one more in the string of unfortunate news that morning.

“Damn it Jon, I really needed those numbers” recognizing the impact of the morning’s events, Michele tried to control her increasingly short temper. “I’ve got a meeting with our VP of marketing at noon and I promised him I’d have it by then.”"

Jon did not realize Michelle had made a commitment to the business by noon. Before he could explain further, Michelle continued, “I think we have an issue Jon. You need to work on meeting deadlines and your prioritization methods.”

Tired from an early morning support call and feeling a bit defeated, Jon looked down and replied, “I understand and I’ll work on it Michelle.”

“Right, well, that’s all I ask. Thank you. So when can you have the estimate completed?”

“Certainly by the end of the day today, maybe sooner.” Jon promised.

“Alrighty then, I’ll tell him to expect the report on his desk in the morning. Thank you Jon.” Michelle knew it was important to thank him. Jon was a hard worker, he just didn’t always have his priorities right, she felt. So she didn’t like being hard on him, but had to let him know she was unhappy.

No Accountability
Michelle had to explain to the Vice President why she did not have the promised report. She took accountability and explained she should have managed it more closely. However, she assured him it would be ready in the morning. He seemed unhappy, but was comforted to know it would be there in the morning. This was not the impact Michelle wanted to have. She liked ensuring her customers knew they could count on her, and her team, to deliver effectively, but it was the best she could do to promise the report the next morning. After leaving the disappointing lunch meeting, Michelle went back to work on her challenge with HR and her boss for cost reductions. There were several questions in her inbox regarding the proposed solution. Although it would reduce her budget substantially, Michelle was focused on retaining the employees she could. This would take all afternoon.

It was a frantic 5 hours as she responded to question after question, both from her boss and HR. Each answer seemed to bring new questions. Each question required more research, charts and data. However, by 5:30, she received the answer she hoped for – she could use the open position in Japan, balanced with expense savings elsewhere in the U.S. to meet her cost reduction objectives. She was momentarily relieved, before she reflected back on the other employee in Japan that threatened to leave. She still didn’t have an answer for them, HR had left for the day, and she wasn’t sure what she could promise.

Always Leaving Early
Tired, knowing she had another 4:00 AM call the next day and several emails to send out yet that evening, including the message for the estimate she hoped Jonathon was sending later, Michelle decided to go home for dinner before getting back online for the evening.

It was about 8:30 PM when Michelle finally got Jonathon’s report. It was very well done – an example of the quality of work she knew he was capable of. She was tired though, had an early morning ahead of her and still had to write the email to her business customer that requested the estimate. As a result, she sent a short note of gratitude to Jon:

Thanks Jon. Looks great. No questions.

Michelle went to bed with her head racing. What would she propose to her team lead in Japan? How would the VP of Marketing receive the estimate? What would Mark say when he found out she had found a solution that did not require laying anyone off in the U.S.? How would she formally address Jon’s missed deadline. She wondered if she would get any sleep before the 3:45 AM alarm rang again.

NOTE: This deviation from the usual format is part 2 in a 3 part series on the importance of transparency between team members and their leadership. I welcome your comments and feedback on this foray into business parables. Part 1 is titled “A Day in the Life of Your Staff“. Part 3: “Transparency Between Leaders and Their Team” is coming soon.